shit

I woke up today all pissed off. The cold is eating away at my health. It's putting me in a bad mood. All I want to do is sleep. And sleep. And sleep. And be under the covers. These terribly insulated windows are letting in tons of dry cold air. My throat's all dry and raw, and my nose is stuff-packed. It's fucking ridiculous, really. Not to mention my other evil health concerns all surfacing at once and no insurance.

With me being sick, and Jay having other plans, Blazer Show was not looked at nor discussed as planned. I deactivated the Blazer Show Facebook because nothing is getting done, and I'm tired of talking about it. I've seriously lost enthusiasm for it recently and I just can't stand to look at anything from it. It's better this way anyhow. I'm gonna focus on school and building websites, like I'm supposed to and stop worrying about this concept. It's obviously not it's time to shine, so I'm not gonna bother. I do not have the proper resources to do this anymore. And no one in this day-in-age can spare nor afford any time to it's development. It's not the economic time to be working on it. It's too early in development to pitch, or do anything with.

Inside, I'm kinda sinking into a mini-winter depression. Why can't it be like when I was young? When people could afford milk and bread, and go to a doctors office for check ups. It's been so hard on me to NOT go to hospital, to IGNORE the issues that may seriously hurt me physically in the near future.

Where's the hope? Where's the possibility? Where did it all go? We don't even answer the house phone anymore. It's just bill collectors. And the funny thing is, I've never owned a credit card in my entire life. It's over 7 grand in medical bills for someone to tell me I might have this, or might have that...and sent home with little or no medical treatment, and what's worse, no medication.

I'm tired of filling out applications. And calling fucking shit-fuck jobs begging for a manager to return my calls. Questionnaires 100 pages long to fucking flip hamburgers. Is that what this countries become? Why did I ever bother going to college? To put myself thousands and thousands of dollars in debt and not be able to acquire a job to pay for it.

Weight loss is so impossible right now. I can't afford healthy meals on my own. And with two unemployed adults and a sick grandmother, there just isn't money for good things. I fucking HATE it.

Just continuing through this bullshit in the same place I started.