Day 2 7:51pm

Today, I applied for a job and called Taranovas. Unfortunately, I have to get there and fill out another application. The problem is, my gas gauge is on E and I can't afford the short trip there. I asked a friend but they never came through and it frustrates me.

Tomorrow I'll be trying to get that goal done first thing anyway I can.

I stuck true to drinking only water. It's a small step, but I'm sure it will start to show its positive influence soon. It's not that bad. Instead of sugary drinks and soda, I now only drink water. I think that alone will be helpful.

My sleeping schedule is still messed up. But I can already see the hours shifting and things starting to make sense. Today, I gave in and fell asleep at around 2, waking up around 6. It's sounds terrible, but it's such a major improvement. Although I'm tempted to go to sleep now, I'm going to try and stay awake until at least 1am. If I can do that, I should wake up at a decent time and be back on track. In just 2 days I should have this sleeping thing under control.

Although seemingly uneventful, today was stressful. I had a dispute with my boyfriend over several minor issues that really need addressing. I try everything I can to approach him the right way, but after so many years, it seems so hard to get anything I'm feeling through to him. I feel like there's an absolutely horrible cycle that's making my life a lot harder than it needs to be. I feel that I've put up with years of things no one should stick around for, and yet I'm not appreciated for it. I try so hard to gain normalcy with him emotionally, socially, and mentally. Although I've exhibited my willingness to try and fix my flaws, I feel it's in vain because he never changes and seems to feel there's nothing that needs changing. This week alone, he's kinda screwed me over several times. I just wish I didn't have to deal with this while facing so many changes in my life.

I feel better getting that out here instead of screaming in a room and appearing to talk to myself for half an hour about how I can't deal. I want these things in my life to go away. I want them to set me free and allow me to live peacefully.

I hope that things will start to show a clearer path. I hope that by writing everyday that I will start to understand the main things in my life that give me stress and learn new ways to deal with it.

I may write again before bed. I feel better right now.

:: sigh ::

thejess.