Keepin' the train on the tracks

Missed a recent get together with my favorite people. So, that wasn't cool. But we'll all see each other soon and I look forward to it.

I ate once today at dinner and it was reasonable. Other than a small snack, I think I'll be back on track. School is going well. I'm really keeping up with the work and aiming for best of quarter for my E-Learning Design class. I'm more than confident I'll win it. I haven't exactly had much to say. I've been pretty introverted mentally for a week or so, just trying to put things together.

I figured I'd post 3 poems I wrote for Creative Writing class. Show a couple things I've been doing for class. Progress, progress.

‘To Ponder’ 

It’s often frightening,

But mostly enlightening.

Feeling alone.

Nearest star light years from home.

Where we search for life like our own.

Are humans so large?

Are we really in charge?

Are we ever so small?

Floating on our spherical ball?

These questions, we ponder.

Be there no life form fonder?

Than our existence in the Universe at all?

‘Gray’

They lurk. Hunting. Two

Opposing shades. Black on White.

Combing through the night.

He stays in the gray.

Just as the color of the

City that they prey.

He dodges. Hopes to 

Evade. Waiting to be saved.

Rid this life for good. 

Highways are perfect.

Endless and free. Beautiful.

Air flowing like Rain.

Glorious escape. 

In more ways than one. Relief.

No such thing as pain.

End of the highway.

Where the lamp posts end. Where he's

Safe till done again.

‘The 

Charming Concerto’

Climactically climbing crooked crescendos.
Tuning tones. Twisting times. Tumbling trills.
Fine fortes. Feisty fortissimo.

Melodic mechanical minds meshing.

My, what a charming concerto. 

Update

So I'm finally starting to beat this cold. Still congested and feeling shitty. But I'm sure it'll fade within a few days. Now it's the time of the month thing I need to conquer. (Sorry for the too many details boys)

I'm doing really great in school so far. But I'm happy class is cancelled tonight. It's so damn cold out and I hate it! This storm is going to be pretty serious. I grabbed me a small bottle of vodka to unwind a little later and work on Blazer Show.

Now that I'm feeling better, my big ass has to get to the gym with Mary at least twice this week. I MUST LOSE WEIGHT. I've been failing at it terribly. Sometimes I feel like the whole world is hell bent on making me fail.

Still no job. Haven't lost anymore weight. I gotta keep on trying. Even if I keep failing, I'll succeed eventually. Hope everyone's hanging in there. I'll be reading.

Jess

Nuclear bombs in a fine-mist stray

Still battling this intense cold. It's been a rough one! Stuffed up a lot and really soar throat. I'm sure it will pass eventually. Just gotta keep truckin.'

Back on my diet. Water, water, water. I don't wanna fall behind in my weight loss goal any further. Some guy on the news was doing a report that the previous week is notorious for when people stop carrying on with their New Years Resolutions. I laughed and told myself to stick with the good and positive changes! It's all about doing better each time around. So that's what I'm going to try and do.

School is going really well. I'm feeling straights A's again this quarter. Yet another one of my goals for the next 3 months. I'm also excited cause within one month things are gonna start getting nicer outside. April is when I really start feeling the vibes. But I think if I pay attention to school and the show, I can get there without further problems.

Just wanted to drop in. Luckily, I got a nice little nick from someone really close to me, and it's good. I'm looking forward to writing today and resting off the cold.

thejess.

I'M AWESOME

I don't know what the FUCK my problem was earlier when I posted that blog and deactivated BS website.

I, JESS RAMBO, HAVE THE COMPLETE ABILITY WITHIN MYSELF, TO MAKE THE MOST AWESOME FUCKING ANIMATED SERIES!

I'm an idiot. I cannot quit on this show. I can not give up because it's hard. I can do this. I can make this shit happen. I have the power to make this work, and not let myself down or anyone else.

I can do it.

shit

I woke up today all pissed off. The cold is eating away at my health. It's putting me in a bad mood. All I want to do is sleep. And sleep. And sleep. And be under the covers. These terribly insulated windows are letting in tons of dry cold air. My throat's all dry and raw, and my nose is stuff-packed. It's fucking ridiculous, really. Not to mention my other evil health concerns all surfacing at once and no insurance.

With me being sick, and Jay having other plans, Blazer Show was not looked at nor discussed as planned. I deactivated the Blazer Show Facebook because nothing is getting done, and I'm tired of talking about it. I've seriously lost enthusiasm for it recently and I just can't stand to look at anything from it. It's better this way anyhow. I'm gonna focus on school and building websites, like I'm supposed to and stop worrying about this concept. It's obviously not it's time to shine, so I'm not gonna bother. I do not have the proper resources to do this anymore. And no one in this day-in-age can spare nor afford any time to it's development. It's not the economic time to be working on it. It's too early in development to pitch, or do anything with.

Inside, I'm kinda sinking into a mini-winter depression. Why can't it be like when I was young? When people could afford milk and bread, and go to a doctors office for check ups. It's been so hard on me to NOT go to hospital, to IGNORE the issues that may seriously hurt me physically in the near future.

Where's the hope? Where's the possibility? Where did it all go? We don't even answer the house phone anymore. It's just bill collectors. And the funny thing is, I've never owned a credit card in my entire life. It's over 7 grand in medical bills for someone to tell me I might have this, or might have that...and sent home with little or no medical treatment, and what's worse, no medication.

I'm tired of filling out applications. And calling fucking shit-fuck jobs begging for a manager to return my calls. Questionnaires 100 pages long to fucking flip hamburgers. Is that what this countries become? Why did I ever bother going to college? To put myself thousands and thousands of dollars in debt and not be able to acquire a job to pay for it.

Weight loss is so impossible right now. I can't afford healthy meals on my own. And with two unemployed adults and a sick grandmother, there just isn't money for good things. I fucking HATE it.

Just continuing through this bullshit in the same place I started.

Short n' Sweet

Pretty beat, let me just say that off the bat. Tomorrow it's comparative religions and then I'm sleeping over Jay and Kat's.

It will officially be my first Blazer Show meeting with a script read for the first episode. I'm kinda nervous because it's a little intimidating showing the script to an outside source for constructive criticism and input. He's fantastic with script format and we have the same taste in sitcoms and series.' Plus he's an advertising major, need I say more.

I look forward to going over it with him. Eating today went super well. I didn't over eat at all and I did a decent amount of fast paced walking. So I'm good. Back on track, I suppose. I'll let everyone know how that goes as far as progress asap.

So I think I'm gonna call it a night and look at the first episode. Super freaked out! Anyhow, hope everyone's doing awesome and sticking to following their goals! I'm gonna have to balls up and weigh myself again within the week. JEEZ.

Night to all! Happy Z's!

Annoying

Things are so shitty.

I really need money. And once again my efforts to find employment have lost their luster as well as my attention or enthusiasm.

It really annoys me that as a women my age in a relationship for 8 years that almost nothing has changed since day one. Couples my age are getting married, going on vacations, hell, even having kids. I really sometimes feel that that is never going to be the case. I feel like I'm taking care of a grown up, thus limiting my sparse resources on someone semi-undeserving. Is it so much to ask for a normal relationship? Where things are a little less dependent on me all the time? If my car broke down or I needed a lift from school, I'm always on my own as far as relying on my partner goes. It's really frustrating because the years of tolerating, forgiving, taking back, and waiting have really gone over their limits.

But love is blind. And hope is something I can't shake for many situations. Someone is depending on me right now and I can't just leave someone in the dark or without a home or place to call home. I'm not that cruel.

I've been ready for a long time to let a man be a man and take care of my needs. There's nothing wrong with being a self-earning female, but it gets old when I'm providing for both myself and a grown man. The worst part is, the audacity he has when I bring up such issues. Ugh it's such a mess. Such a roller coaster of nonsense.

It's very.....very annoying.