Updates =)

I've been doing a lot of abstract or poems based posts. I've been meaning to update this and check up on everyone's blogs and such. So I'm doing that now.

I finished off the Winter semester a lot better than I thought I would. I honestly didn't check my grades until the day before yesterday, because I really didn't wanna see them. But it wasn't that bad at all, two B's and an A. Although, I believe I earned an A in Kramers' Creative Writing class, I've chosen to just move on instead and focus on the semester at hand.

The one thing that has been bugging me is that my friend Kat moved back to Florida. And my best friend of 20 years is moving to Oklahoma. It seems like everyone is moving away these days! I've been getting a little down about it so I thought it would be a sweet ass idea to get together with my peoples sometime soon and party it up a bit. Let's hope that's soon! I wish I had my own place!

Anyhow, Blazer Show is on hold a little bit. Jay has been super occupied and busy and Gee has been too! So have I really, but I've been playing around with the website in Dreamweaver and editing some things in the script. I'm gonna be sending the script out to team members interested asap, as it's pretty much ready to go. I love Blazer Show. I think about it, and even still I get a good feeling in the put of my gut about it.

I got my tax return check today. Boy was that exactly what I needed. I'm going to try and link up with friends asap and do that money right! Ok well, I posted cause I promised myself I would in the Brotherhood on fb. I'm gonna get back to my bong and checking out everyone's journals. Miss you all!

Jess

Surprises

I am on a beach.
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
There is no one there, but me.

The water was a shade of blue I never knew existed.
And the sand was fine to the touch of my toes, and white.
The light was bright, and airy, illuminating the beach
with dream-like light from some distant memory.

My skin was golden.
And mist from nearby waterfalls beaded my oiled skin.
My hair was long, and free.
Gently floating around the frame of my face in the soft breeze
that seemed to come from just the right direction.

My soul was at peace.
My mind, at ease.
As I laid out in the sand, with a drink in one hand.
Smile, ear to ear.

And then something changed, shifted.
It was subtle but noticeable.
In the distance over the water, I struggled to see something.
The ocean rose suddenly on the horizon.

At first it was fascinating
But soon struck a chord within me.
Within moments, I was scared.
In a sudden flash of horror and acceptance,

the ocean swallowed me whole.

"Ban the Father G"

Spherical presence.
Crisp and luminous.
Adjacent yet adherent,
Beneath velvet wisps atop dark satin sky.

Infinite seamless curtain, unfathomable time.
Speeding as light.
Disguised in black.
Stretching for additional existence.

Dense clusters powering radiance make up
cosmic archipelagoes of spiraling islands.
Celestial items scattering about a
Universal sea.

After the Bang.


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
By the way, the title of the poem "Ban the Father G" is an anagram for "After the Bang." It was cool cause the title kinda means "Band the Father G" which ironically signifies my passion for people to appreciate science just as they do the concept of a God. After the bang...the big bang, you get the point.

Japan, Earthquake

What's going on with Japan sucks.
It's a shame too because Japan holds it down. A lot of people are blaming them for what happened, and I think that's bullshit. All power plants cover up incidences, because if every plan everywhere in the world mentioned an incident every single time something went wrong, the world would always be in mass hysteria. They did everything by the books. They did everything right. If a disaster like that were to happen in N.Y.C. it wouldn't have gone half as smoothly as it did in Japan. I hope peace can be restored there soon. Those people have been through enough.

I oddly recall the morning of the earthquake and tsunami. I was sleeping over Jay and Kat's to easily access school on a friday, and for 4 hours I battled the most intense migraine headache I've had in years. It felt like my head was splitting open over and over again. Like someone was inside my head with a hammer, making cracks in my skull. I was sweating, and nauseous. It was horrible. It took me forever to battle off the headache, even with medicine.
Unaware of the news, I didn't find out until around 7 or so that night about the earthquake.
It's the weirdest thing. With the twelve hour approximate difference from JST and EST, my headache began within moments of the quake. Ending about an hour after the tsunami. I think that's weird. And I'm not implying anything by that observation, mind you....I'm just saying.

Perhaps all of our bodies let us know when the earth below our feet is acting funny. Perhaps that's why my head felt like it was falling apart. It's just odd.

I can only send out positive vibes and thoughts to Japan and its people. Hopefully they will be able to start healing soon.

Lonesome

I don't know what's been going on with me the past few days.

It's nothing particularly terrible. It's not necessarily negative.

Despite the multitude of interactions in my life, I cannot help but feel a sense of loneliness. Unlike attention seekers, I don't really like feeling this way. I feel like something completely obvious is missing in my life and I just can't figure out what it is. Maybe I'm not meant to. Such a shame if a feeling like this were to last long. It feels like that adolescent loneliness, when I was a child. I'd come home from that hell called high school and be all alone. I wonder what it's like to have brothers and sisters. Or better yet a mom or a dad. Or anyone, really. Such a concept is beyond foreign to me. I wonder why I was one of the unlucky ones. Minus the self-pity, I do ponder why I got the shit end of the stick sometimes.
It's weird not really having any family that I share a connectivity with. My mom's been gone 12 years now. It seems like just yesterday I could feel the wind in my hair driving in her 4-runner on a hot summer night, ordering pizza and laughing.

I try not to spend too much time missing the dead.
I've learned enough in my youth about dying...and death...and that inconceivable concept of "Never see them again" that others haven't had to face yet. What would missing them do? Would it bring them back? No. It's a sad reality that I've come to terms with. But I guess it would be nice to just have someone.

I guess it's almost fucked up to be talking like this, with a boyfriend of 8 years snoring besides me. I don't know. Maybe I need more love in my life or something. More things to smile about outside of friends. What's missing?

Like usual, I'll ignore that sunken empty feeling in the pit of my gut, swallow that lump in my throat, and forget about it. No use in such thoughts. They're a waste of space, really.

Blazer Show is awesome. It's been one of the few things making me want to wake up in the morning.
Everyday I visualize when it's all said and done. I see after parties, and the studio where I'll work. I'd drive a nice car and always have my nails done. Feels good to think of nice things. To think of having good things. Lot's of money. I'd get to work with my best friends all the time and make amazing shit being creative in my own way. Someday :) I feel it...

Finals are through now other than the tests next week. I feel like shit about this quarter because I had 2 professors totally confused about shit. I hate that. I hope I get A's anyway.

This weekend I'll probably be linking up with Gee via skype, talking about the show. Last Sunday, Elaine and Dmitry were awesome enough to let me tag along to visit Gee. I'm not gonna lie, there was something so distant and calming about where he lives. You can see a lot more stars there and joy rides are great. We drove for what seemed to be almost an hour. Noel, Elaine, Dmitry in the back, me shot gunnin' with my homie Gee. Man...where were these amazing people during my childhood? The memories we all would have made. Well, we've got plenty of time for more memories to come.

I look forward to spring break. The temperature is starting to break, and all is warming up. The moon is going to be particularly close to Earth tomorrow night, full too. Can't wait. It's slowly turning into blunt and back deck weather. Gonna be rad.

Well, I've spilled out enough for one night. I feel a little better. I guess all of us have spurts of loneliness once in a while. It's all the amazing memories and people in my life that really keep me going.

Good night all.
Happy Spring.

Luck be a Lady....

Hello people. Blog. Aliens. Whoever feels the need to read this text that is this black hole of a blog.
heh heh...nice.

I haven't blogged in forever. It's like my fucking head fell off or something.
Anyway. Today was so super retarded awesome. I woke up to a $1541.00 check in the mail. I guess good grades and not dropping classes has paid off, literally.

I can finally get a haircut, a tanning membership, a new state license (Totally been expired for like 2 months) and even stock up on some green. It's a good thing.

The show is moving along. It's been a little interrupted with finals approaching and my efforts in my classes and Function Club. But I am SO not worried. I have 12 people on the Blazer Show mailing list, and I'll be meeting with Gee soon to talk a few details and catch up. Always look forward to those mini-sessions of awesome with my brother from another mother.

I gotta kick that into gear though and finish it up, so I can mail out the shot lists for the first episode, which we already devised.

I need a job. And I need to lose weight. Those have been my neglected, or rather, non-fruitful endeavors.

Relationships good. Got a few bucks. Summer's right around the corner. A's in classes. And Blazer Show is in progress nicely.

It's gonna be okay. I'll promise to post more, no doubt.

Take it easy friends!

thejess.

Blazer Show. Blazer Show. Blazer Show.

I am so down. And depressed. I'm in good spirits, but inside, I feel terrible.
I WANT GOOD THINGS.
And it seems that just when I'm ready to work for them, all opportunities are gone.

This is why it's all about Blazer Show. This is like, the ONE thing I'm putting all of my heart and soul into. I'm working hard at it, so that maybe one day, I'll be able to honestly enjoy the fruits of my labor and passion for it.

I have reached a level of severity about the show. Strict severity. I've talked about it for years, long enough. Now it's time for tangible results. I want the first season printed and bound by summer. I can SMELL the fresh ink on the paper in my mind. The warmth of the paper as it's right out of the printer. Blazer Show. In my hands. Right in front of me. Ready to submit. Fuck everything and everyone else who's got a problem with my quest. They can suck my balls. If I never make it anywhere with this show, I will fucking DIE trying. And I will do anything to get what I want.

I've started to become possessive about my work on the show. I feel like it's my baby, and I'm responsible for it being born into life. Which I feel it is. It's something always on my mind, right in the foreground, waiting for a check to be drawn next to it. "Complete." When that check mark is there, I'll be satisfied. And then let's hope it will be "on to the next one."

I'm beginning to recruit for animation and art design. In desperate need of an art director. I've finally asked Noel to lend more than his voice to the show, and possibly begin environment doodles and sketches for the first episode. Jay and I reviewed several animated series' and screen shot still frames of conceptual basics. And, I think the look is going in the right direction. Let's hope the artists can and enjoy bringing it to the screen.

I can't wait to finally have an official "TEAM" of peeps down for aiming for success, like myself. I'm thinking I'm going to need about 3 animators for the endeavor. One, of which I'd need for lead art direction. If I have to, I'll post flyers at school. Whatever the hell it takes.

Other than Blazer Show and my obsession with it, my life is balls. I still have no job. No money. My boyfriend has no job. No money. And the only other good thing, is my grades. I'm still a fat fucking blob. Blazer Show is more important than a fucking bikini. IT will be what I'm most concerned with other than my schooling. If I'm rich, I'll buy a new damn body lol.

So that's that. Thinking of writing up a flyer for Blazer Show Facebook now and tagging some artist friends. I wanna start spreading the concept of working on it to possibly for a chill team.