Blazer Show. Blazer Show. Blazer Show.

I am so down. And depressed. I'm in good spirits, but inside, I feel terrible.
I WANT GOOD THINGS.
And it seems that just when I'm ready to work for them, all opportunities are gone.

This is why it's all about Blazer Show. This is like, the ONE thing I'm putting all of my heart and soul into. I'm working hard at it, so that maybe one day, I'll be able to honestly enjoy the fruits of my labor and passion for it.

I have reached a level of severity about the show. Strict severity. I've talked about it for years, long enough. Now it's time for tangible results. I want the first season printed and bound by summer. I can SMELL the fresh ink on the paper in my mind. The warmth of the paper as it's right out of the printer. Blazer Show. In my hands. Right in front of me. Ready to submit. Fuck everything and everyone else who's got a problem with my quest. They can suck my balls. If I never make it anywhere with this show, I will fucking DIE trying. And I will do anything to get what I want.

I've started to become possessive about my work on the show. I feel like it's my baby, and I'm responsible for it being born into life. Which I feel it is. It's something always on my mind, right in the foreground, waiting for a check to be drawn next to it. "Complete." When that check mark is there, I'll be satisfied. And then let's hope it will be "on to the next one."

I'm beginning to recruit for animation and art design. In desperate need of an art director. I've finally asked Noel to lend more than his voice to the show, and possibly begin environment doodles and sketches for the first episode. Jay and I reviewed several animated series' and screen shot still frames of conceptual basics. And, I think the look is going in the right direction. Let's hope the artists can and enjoy bringing it to the screen.

I can't wait to finally have an official "TEAM" of peeps down for aiming for success, like myself. I'm thinking I'm going to need about 3 animators for the endeavor. One, of which I'd need for lead art direction. If I have to, I'll post flyers at school. Whatever the hell it takes.

Other than Blazer Show and my obsession with it, my life is balls. I still have no job. No money. My boyfriend has no job. No money. And the only other good thing, is my grades. I'm still a fat fucking blob. Blazer Show is more important than a fucking bikini. IT will be what I'm most concerned with other than my schooling. If I'm rich, I'll buy a new damn body lol.

So that's that. Thinking of writing up a flyer for Blazer Show Facebook now and tagging some artist friends. I wanna start spreading the concept of working on it to possibly for a chill team.

FUCK.

Talk about angry to the point of EXPLODING in a very ugly way...
That's what I feel like today. Although nothing eventfully terrible occurred today, I'm frustrated and PISSED OFF.

I'd rather NOT fucking talk about it, but would much rather just vent out a little on what I'm FEELING. And I'm honestly feeling like an ASSHOLE. That's right, an asshole. That would best describe it. It's all under the surface, and I think it's in my best interest to let it fucking stay there.

Anyway.

I missed the fucking Function Club meeting today. Everyone departed early because 2 people showed up (my friends) and I was late because of FUCKING FUCK FUCKING TRAFFIC FUCK! again. After that, I sat in a class with a lecture MINUS a fucking power point presentation and cell phone. I had to skip out on my meeting with Jay tonight.......yeah, GAY.......................... And instead I'll be meeting up with him tomorrow...my busiest. fucking. day.

And to put the icing on the cake....
Nevermind.

I also have forgotten to register on the 7th for new fucking classes. So now I'm gonna get all the LAME classes at SHITTY ASS times.

My guy hasn't responded to my calls about green, which he keeps SWEARING that he'll be around.

Why tell me you'll be around and then not be? Not having tree makes me mad. Waste of time.

Well. I don't feel better, but my blood pressure is thanking me.
FTW. I'll be in my room tonight working on the show.
Hope everyone's well.

jess.

Good things' a comin'

So, I'm pretty beat.
I spent the day relaxing, running a shopping errand, and chilling with my friend Dan to an amazing 2 bowls of sour diesel. I got all in the zone to write but I didn't bother. I'll do another all nighter Thursday. I'll figure it out. With the way the project is rolling, I'm confident the first episode will be cut and dry complete this Thursday.

This Thursday is also my first Function Club meeting for Web Design. I'm secretary. I guess it's good to be involved in that stuff at school. For my own benefit as well as resume brownie points. I have another poem workshop tomorrow night in class, and I'll be using the one I posted earlier this week, the "Blissful blah blah in the backseat of longing"

I feel really positive, but I feel like shit too. I don't know why. Maybe I just need some rest. I've worked enough tonight and I'm looking forward to recharging this mental battery.

I need to keep working and diving into school and Blazer Show. It's one of the few things keeping me sane and feeling great about myself, considering my diet is equaling FAIL on and off. Spring, I hope to be EXTRA back into it. I'll be okay. Patience is important.

I was gonna post Blazer Show stuff but I'll do it at the end of the week perhaps.
Hope everyone's doing well :)

Jess

WOW!

So it's about 6:50 in the a.m. and I'm kinda blissfully speechless. I can't believe that the first 3 quarters of the show is already written, in full funtiona-

Ok, so I'm back at 7:04 a.m. Good thing I asked the guard at the front desk to keep an eye out for when residents leave for work and the lot has free parking spots open. Now I have an awesome window of 4 hours for a much needed nap before my class, without worrying about my whip bein' towed. And. I'm already in the city. AND. Blazer Show is almost there...

Jay worked with me arduously throughout the course of the night. I read him what I had, gave him material I've written, and talked the first episode out to him. Not only did he jump into the project full throttle, but he also completely allowed Blazer Show to take flight. Writing awesome dialog with ease, and really identifying each characters persona and voice; accurately, I might add, to what I wanted them to. I feel like I'm fucking soaring through the sky right now. As though this is fuckin' ALRIGHT yo. It's blowing my mind. "Oh my god...this is the show!" To hear the characters interact with one another appropriately. To see how they each act individually and as a whole with the story-line, I couldn't be happier. Jay has proved himself a valuable asset on this journey to completion, and I openly welcome him in the writing process as an official part of Blazer Show.

Created by: Jess Ramsey & Gee Terado
Written by: Jay Gambit, Jess Ramsey
Co-written by: Gee Terado
Artwork and Character design/animation by: Gee Terado
More names to come, let's hope! I'm SURE Noel will want a part of it other than vocally, as well as a few others.

I feel like there's a real team driving this shit home right now, and my mind is floating happily. Buzzing with positive vibes of a plausible successful future, pride, and accomplishment. This is only the beginning. As I work with Gee on the premise of the show in the first season and remaining 4 out of 6 episodes, Jay will place them together structurally in proper script format. An episode a week. We'll be done in 2 months, with it all polished. Then we record voices (Which is gonna be super easy), and then we talk animation. The website is noob-ish but the skeletal structure is in place, and all it needs is tweaking. Jay and I reviewed the Cartoon Network submission form....omg. I'm so excited.

Aside from that, I look forward to talking to Gee about what we've gotten done this evening ASAP. I know he'll love it, and I can't wait to hear his feedback. And everyone elses' ;)

Aside from that, I'm busting my ass in school. I missed one with the flu, and otherwise maintain a perfect attendance. I participate vigilantly in classroom discussions, answering questions, acing quizzes, and even becoming Secretary of the Function club for web design. I am time managing with school work and striving forward for those straight A's and HOPEFULLY a best of quarter award for either my Creative Writing class or, especially, my E-Learning Design program. I am putting 120 percent into my studies right now. I want something to be proud of when I leave this place for good, and venture out into the unknown that will be my life.

All I need now is a damn job, to lose weight little by little, and find a good weed connect...cause fuck knows I haven't found SHIT!

I'm accomplishing my goals.
Everything's paying off now.

After class last night, I gave a friend a ride home in the city. She was recently mugged and so apprehensive about walking home at night. I insisted to drive her home after this particular class, and for her to call me anytime she felt that way and I'd help if I could. When parking over at Jays, I found my car to be stuck. For 15 minutes I tried everything in the book, all the tricks of the trade, but the damn thing wouldn't budge. Looking up from the steering wheel in frustration after digging and using rubber mats under the tires, a pleasant looking man, successful, young, was taking off his probably 100 dollar pair of gloves.

"You need a little help there? Can I offer a hand?" He was so charming and caring, and had a lovely smile. Jay came down and him and Andrew (This generous stranger) began pushing. Before I knew it, another gentleman ran from across the street, and the 3 of them got my car over that pile of ice. It reminded me of how the Universe DOES in fact give back. And just now, another example...when moving my car to a permanent spot in the lot, the woman next to me was leaving. She was stuck. I pushed her car out of that spot for her, and she thanked me. And so, karma and the Universe reveals itself in that beautiful slice of a moment sometimes....beautiful. Not to mention the security guard stood post and texted me personally when a spot opened up! There are good people in this world. Within mankind. Our species. We all pay it forward with positivity and care.

On the way in the building, while quickly chatting with the guard, a man asked me if I did web design. He runs a martial art school and really might want videos, a web site and all for his students. I tossed him my business email and an opportunity just might show itself in the future.

:: sigh :: These moments remind me that we all need a little help sometimes. And as far as Blazer Show goes....on point.

Symbolism in life is sexy. I love it.

thejess.

Blissful Thoughts in the Backseat of Longing

This is a poem I'm working on for my Creative Writing class. It's very dear and close to my heart, as it describes the best moments of my life in Philadelphia with my closest of friends in the dorms. I love you all. Enjoy. Feedback is always welcomed.

Blissful Thoughts in the Backseat of  Longing

I remember when the clouds sang silently to us each morning.

And summertime rang and rose up throughout halls.

The vibrant glow of the waking sun leisurely climbing the walls. 

As towers cast drastic shadows that sliced into that desolate concrete jungle.

Corner stands billowed redolent palatable swirls. Good eats. 

How the smell traversed amidst the mucky staleness of  that inimitable city.

Ambitiously navigating it's way to my sniffer. Successfully. 

Reminding me that it's never too early for a fat slab of meat.

Early morns in pants with no legs and shirts with no sleeves, hair tousled.

We gathered. Sitting in our customary annulus, as the ancients once did.

Igniting that small flame that burned through noon into night. 

Our  relaxed giggles expelling vibes of harmonious contentment among us few.

Night rolling over our glorious city. 

While lights began speckling the cosmic steel landscape like small square suns.

As our eves were ruled by haze.

Twirling in blissful plumes and spirals towards the ceiling.

But we never once saw the ceiling. We didn't know it was there. 

Distracted as infectious laughter spread like wildfire through our hearts.

Splitting our sides with joy as our elation spilled out through the seems.

While we existed with brilliant illusions of endlessness.

Like superheroes we guarded the gates to our incompleteness.

Allowing our moments to be numbered with grace and beautiful ignorance.

We relished in our most elegant of times. Before life would move on without us. 

Without me.